So I’ve never really believed in New Year’s resolutions. It’s only 12 months. There’s short term goals and long term girls and if you’re going to make a resolution, depending on your goal, the new year’s resolution won’t last long. I don’t usually do them. I usually think and self-reflect during my Birthday and that is coming up. I’m going to be 33 and I’m pretty excited about it. There’s a lot of things that I need to work on and I’ve realized why they haven’t been effective. It’s because I haven’t stayed long enough in once place to actually be successful and I’ve realized that I’ve had fear of commitment and that’s a term used loosely. One time, about 10 years ago, I did some modeling. I nearly quit, but I had this attitude that I had to finish this because I’m not a quitter and recently, these past few years, I’ve been quitting things and part of it is because of my situation and part of it is because I haven’t been healthy and when I mean healthy, I mean my brain. Like how can I ease my mind when my brain isn’t healthy? It starts with you but instead of choosing and then forgetting to persevere until success, we tend to forget and give up. If my brain is healthy, my mind will be that much stronger to attain all my dreams to come true. I’ve only discovered this after reading and understanding my feelings. The negative feelings I’ve been feeling when I’m triggered are painful and hard to deal with and I’m now learning the basics by asking myself if it’s my mood, my emotions, or hormones. Feelings are normal but the others come from the brain so if you’re healthy where you get sleep, food and whatever else we need to get healthy, it’s so much easier to conquer and be free. I don’t know to begin, to be honest with you because there is SO MUCH TO COVER. I’ve mastered the outside appearance when I put the effort since I was a model but inside is what needs working or rather, improving. And when I mean food for your health, you have to think of it differently. Instead of thinking it’s just a diet, think of it as something that you need for yourself and your brain to function and it’ll be easier to make decisions and it’ll refrain regrets. When I master this now, things will come easier. So I’m started right now and I’m excited about it because these books I’m purchasing are interesting so I’m not going to just drop them in the corner to collect dust. Whatever I’m going through right now is going to make me stronger. Again, I don’t know where to begin so I’m reading and taking notes. I picture them and apply them and since I know I may forget all these information, I gotta’ reread and retain it until it’s second nature. It’ll take some time. I’ll start now so later, I won’t have to start later. Right now, I’m reading a book and taking notes and then I’ll watch the movie again and take some notes. I add my own personal notes next to the quotes and picture how I can figure out my thoughts. I haven’t written my thoughts in so long… so this was pretty hard. I know that I want to be happy and when I change my thoughts, my presence of mind, my awareness is so much clearer. People who are addicted to working out think and obsess about what to put in their bodies for physical appearance and I too want to start working out again and work on my physical appearance but this time, it starts with the inside. So I just have to watch what I eat instead for my body (which it’ll still profit from it) but this time it’s for the health of my brain. When I write it down this time instead of thinking of it as “mental health”, it’s easier for me to approach it. It’s almost like I’ve personalized the information that I’m absorbing and processing.
I gotta’ read this book first and take notes. Then there are more things I want to get under my belt and juggle but I gotta’ start with the foundation. That’s my health. In my personal life, I have to take one project one at a time and have a LOT OF PATIENCE. With what I’m going through, this is the first time I’ve truly learned what patience means. It’s waiting to wait to wait on waiting. And once you’ve waited to wait on waiting, you’ve only scratched the surface and learn that there’s another milestone of waiting. I want to master so many things but I’m just going to read, listen, watch, observe, and just learn.
STI means STICK TO IT.