Never Quit

It’s easy to compare your life to another person’s life, most especially when you see everyone’s feed on Facebook. And I’ve come to wonder how they did it. I saw my former manager have a great house, the ideal boyfriend and they seem well off. Rich, or middle class- they’re definitely comfortable. And since I’ve grown from a wealthier background, I don’t settle for less either, but I’m at the point in my  life that I’m only getting by and that’s why it’s important for me to land this job that I’ll be calling for follow up tomorrow morning. I’ve come to realize, the reason why they have a comfortable living is because they worked for it. The grass is greener on the other side because they watered their grass. And since they started here, raised here, worked at an early age to get their foundation started and get established, they are able to become managers and live a comfortable life. They never quit and if they did, they landed a better opportunity before quitting their last job. Where I went wrong is that I am going to say that I’m accountable for quitting my job both because I was on the wrong mix of medication acting out with a nervous breakdown but beside all that, it was because I quit. These people, though I may be envious, I don’t “hate” on them, but it makes me question my life wondering when I’ll be established because right now, I’m in transition. I do hope that I get this job… even if it means being in a long distance relationship again. He does comfort me and says he loves me all the time, is in love with me and wants to be with me forever. That helps a lot after a round of OCD last week. Despite all of that, we had a great weekend. It was GREAT. Amazing. Whoo. So another lesson I have learned is if I want to be established, the next job I have, I will NEVER QUIT. Never ever quit. I understand now. I’m learning the intangible things that I haven’t practiced in so long. The last time I’ve really applied perseverance, patience, and never ever ever giving up was when I was in College… high school because I had a goal and knew there was another chapter. Now, I have to apply it in the darkness. I wish I had looked for a job first before quitting this job but, God willing, and with lots of prayer, I believe that I have a good chance for a job interview. Just let me land me the job interview. I’m qualified. And I’m a good person. So my comfort to myself is: though there are others that are ahead of me in life and they’re younger than me, doesn’t mean I can’t go through my journey and finally be out of transition and on my way to being established—independent. Just never, ever, ever quit. And when there’s free time, then I can work on my dreams. I’m also going to get another job, two jobs to support myself and to help out my family—my mom. Save up etc and pay back my boyfriend for helping me out. He’s actually doing a lot for a 26 year old. Gotta’ hand him that.

In conclusion: never quit. Never never never never never never never never EVER… quit.

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I’m So Lonely

I’m torn between the city and the relationship. There is a win-win situation. If I move back to Seattle, the long distance relationship will be temporary until he moves up there in a year. If I don’t get the job in Seattle, I can move on and look for a job here and towards Spring time, my boyfriend will move in with me.

For the rest of limbo, I should just keep my mouth shut and if he’s not the guy that I want him to be, then let us just silently drift or let me silently drop off. And leave this all behind without regret.