Are you happy?

Find what makes you happy.

Are you happy with M? Were you happy with H?

Currently, no, I’m not happy with M. I see him only once an hour a day, and he doesn’t even want to live in with me. He wants to live on his own first before that happens and even when he lets me move in with him, it’s going to be with other people in there to share rent. So, no, I’m not happy with being his girlfriend.

Am I happy with my H? I’m happy to be with him, but no, I’m not happy with the extended family. But there are so many things that we have in common… and it makes me question M, is this it? He comes home for dinner and we just sit there and do jack shit or watch a movie. He’s still so young. He wants me to get a those paperwork right away but in the back of my mind, I’m still hoping that there could be something with H. If he would move out of his parents’ house, we could have salvaged our marriage.

But now, what will make me happy? Is to be in school. A full time student… in Seattle. So despite being with M or what I had with H, it’s Seattle that I want to be in and living there will make me happy. So, that’s why I keep saying I want to “save” so that I can move and go to school full time… even just saying that, there are a lot of positives with H compared to M. Frankly, I’m disappointed in M because he doesn’t want to budge. So, how can I move forward with him if he doesn’t even want to live in together. And do I even have to make my decision now? No. But what will make ME happy. Is to have my apartment in Seattle.

What will make you happy, Kel? Despite these relationships, what will make you happy, Kel? To be back in Seattle. I won’t have to be with H. I could if I wanted to, but too much pain with the extended family. I would go back no doubt if he had a house but nope. No house with him and no living in with this M. So what will make me happy?

I would not mind living with H, but his extended family really turns me off. They make me feel so uncomfortable. So, I don’t have to live with him. I’ll just live by myself in Seattle. We’ll see if M actually moves to Seattle anyway. I believe I did a lot and enough of sacrifices for him anyway. Moving here was a mistake. If I were to leave H, I shoulda’ left him but still have stayed in the same city.

Seattle.

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